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Flappy the Dolphin reviews the iPhone

Hilarous
To plagiarize:

Like everyone, I got seriously geeked the moment I saw Steve Jobs introduce the Apple iPhone ($599, Cingular/AT&T only; HH)
at Macworld. It seemed to be what every gadget-obsessed dolphin is
looking for in a next-generation handheld: sleek, stylish, and multi-
functional. And what’s more, it had a delightful wallpaper with a
placid marine setting.

In the four months since its unveiling, I’ve been swimming back and
forth, just waiting for my chance to try it out. Then, out of the blue,
I was contacted last week and asked if I wanted to give it a test run.
Does a tuna taste delicious? When the Apple rep arrived, I was so
excited that I did a double backflip and splashed Bob.

The touch screen handled surprisingly well. I could easily toss the
phone into the air and bounce it off my nose to dial, so calling can be
fun. Let’s be honest, though: It may be called the iPhone, but no one I
know is interested in it just as a phone. It’s the widescreen video
iPod functionality that has the tech nerds excited.

Frankly, I was disappointed by the pedes- trian offerings by iTunes. I was looking for episodes of Flipper, or The New Adventures Of Flipper, or the movie version of Flipper, but I settled for the Mel Gibson action film Ransom.
I had to wonder if it was really worth my time and $10 to watch it on
such a small screen, where a lot of the nuance of Gibson’s performance
was lost. I suppose it’s better when you hook it up to your
large-screen TV, but that’s another connector and another $20.

When I was satisfied that it seemed to work well on dry land, I took
it straight to the bottom of the pool. After five seconds, the screen
went black and the device became unresponsive. I was so furious I leapt
out of the water and hurled the iPhone at the poor Apple rep, who made
a rather sheepish exit.

Once again, the aquatic mammal sector has been completely ignored by
the major cell phone manufacturers. Given their track record, I
shouldn’t be surprised.

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