Monopoly is the word

Regarding that previous post with the video of the horrible TV reporter — Katie has asked me to point out that most media people aren’t as awful as that British guy. She doesn’t want to create the impression that we dislike the media. Because we don’t. In fact most of the media, especially guys like Goatberg and Pogue and the entire press corps here in the Valley, are consummate professionals who behave with a really high degree of integrity.

These folks have strong relationships with Apple. They know and obey the rules we’ve established with them for our interactions. Basically, it’s very simple. When you get us on camera or sit down in a room with us, you’re going to ask us a list of questions that we’ve vetted, and we’re going to give you a set of answers that we’ve prepared in advance, and no matter how pointless or irrelevant or meaningless those answers might be, you will nod appreciatively and move on.

Now, when you’re working with real media professionals, they totally appreciate this kind of efficiency. These are busy people. They’re working on deadline. They’re trying to fill space, either on air or on a page. They need information, fast. Doesn’t matter what that information is, but it really, really helps for it to be in complete sentences that are grammatically correct and only a few seconds long.

Basically what we’re doing is working to understand exactly what these busy professionals need in order to do their jobs well, and then we’re making life easier for them. The smart ones, the real pros, totally appreciate this. I can’t tell you how many cards and letters and emails we get from people who totally thank us for having such a first-rate public relations department.

Moreover, the Valley press corp is appalled when one of their so-called "fellow journalists" like this guy in England goes all rogue on us. It’s embarrassing and totally hurts the credibility of everyone in their profession. Why, Walt himself just called to apologize for what that guy in England did to Phil. He’s like, "Steve, Katie, even though I had nothing to do with it, I really feel bad about what that guy did, and I’m really sorry, and I hope you won’t hold it against us."

Of course we told Walt that we appreciated his candor and that we would all move on and be professional, as always. The message I hope you’ll take away from this encounter is simply this: Apple is the best. We’re open and honest. We’re the company you can trust. Sure, we might be a monopoly. Kind of, but not really, or maybe. But the stuff about us being a monopoly wasn’t on the question list, was it? That’s not something we agreed to discuss or were prepared to discuss.

And even if we are a monopoly, which we’re not, but if we are, we’re the good kind, the kind that is open and honest with you, not the bad, secretive, hostile kind that would shut down cameras and stifle communication. We’re not some dictatorship in Ukraine or someplace like that where the government controls the media. And to all members of the obedient press corps everywhere, let me say this: Namaste. I honor the place where our spin and your stories become one.